Here I Am

To view my current being as an end to a long story would be incorrect, instead I have learned to accept that it is a new beginning towards a better life for me.

With all the emotions that go with ending a relationship in general, adding to the mix that there was an alcoholic whose world I revolved around makes it that much more difficult to deal with, or shall I say, learn to deal with, because I am, I haven't given up and he didn't break me despite his many attempts to do so.

I hope to be able to put into words what the life I chose to live at that time was like, how it is not a situation that has to be dealt with alone, even though it can be felt as one of the lowest moments in our lives, the overwhelming feeling that you are alone is just a mask for what you truly are capable of overcoming, finding the strength within gives you a power like no other.


So for now, I would like to jump toward the end and answer a couple of questions that have been asked by not only myself, but from my family and friends.

Why didn't I tell anyone what was truly going on in the relationship?  Why did I stay in it so long when I had the opportunity to seek help, especially when the aggressor wasn't with me?

When you love someone unconditionally, it means everything to the abused, someone like myself.  You find yourself talking about what a great person you have in your life, your family and friends see them as this perfect match for you based on what you have told them and even how this person treats you while others are around.  In turn, I felt like the abuse was something that I was causing based on the information I was giving.  I had convinced myself that I had the perfect partner, the perfect life and that there was no way this person would hurt me.  I was lying to myself.  Denial was my best friend for many years.  And that was something I wasn't prepared to admit to anyone, especially to myself.